aka. Self-Practice.
An unpopular discernment that's hard to discuss, because no matter what words I use, it will always be hard for people to hear the message beyond their own distortions.
I have found myself in repeated conversations with others (including long-term practitioners / teachers) who ask - Why would someone practice Yoga without a teacher? Often I find myself withdrawing, having no desire to explain but.. I think there's something to sharing some insight after all.
To start with, I'd like to clarify I'm referring to periodical Yoga practice without a teacher, better known as self-practice. In no way am I trying to encourage anyone to make their way through their Yoga journery without any guidance from an adequate teacher. Learning from someone with genuine experience is a pivotal aspect to a beneficial Yoga practice. With the right teacher you will build a bond and a strong connection, that will hopefully last a lifetime.
What I'd like to explore through this blog post is self-practice, not to be confused with a Mysore style practice, where you do in fact have a teacher's guidance. In the Ashtanga Yoga world self-practice would mean you have memorized at least some part of the sequence by heart and that you can practice without depending on a teacher.
Because of the questions raised, I'd like to split the topic into two parts:
Understanding self-practice in general.
Traveling to Mysore, India to self-practice.
Today, the most popular form of a Yoga class is with a teacher leading a group through a structured sequence of asana (postures), pranayama (breathwork) and/or guided meditation. The Ashtanga method varies in this regard as it motivates students to start memorising the sequence early on, so they can practice without verbal queing, but nonetheless, with the support of a teacher in the room (Mysore style).
Over time, as a practitioner matures through consistency and repetition, he/she opens the door to exploring self-practice. For some, this might be the only possible venture, since alot of practitioners don't have access to a teacher within the area they live in. For others, self-practice is something they choose to enjoy from time to time, or even on a regular basis.
To understand the reasons for self-practice, I think it helps to first grasp the concept of why practicing with a teacher is so captivating. Even once you are familiar with a sequence, practicing with a teacher can bring structure. A good teacher will know when and what to que, modify and adjust, keeping you focused on the method and path. A teacher (and class) will also potentially give you a sense of obligation that will keep you motivated and coming back to your mat. Ask any practitioner and they will tell you they were able to 'do more' with the mere presence of their teacher in the room. The reason? They're riding the teacher's energy-train ☻.
Moving from a led class (or even a Mysore class) to Self-practice is kind of like removing the training wheels off a bike - experience is needed and the timing is very important, but it is indeed a part of the process. I intentionally italicised kind of because unlike removing the wheels off a bike, in Yoga practice you still want to revisit the 'wheels' from time to time.
The first and very obvious limit of a co-dependent student-teacher relationship (oops, I mean not self-practicing), is that you only practice when the teacher is around, effecting your consistency, creating boundaries for your personal development. When you "remove the training wheels", the effort to stay motivated and structured requires you to find the drive within. It is the step towards showing up for your self because of yourself, independent of anyone else . Self-practice will ultimately lead to self-empowerment, and this is why it is a step many are reluctant to take.
If we remember just some of the attributes Yoga teaches over time - discipline, sense withdrawl, detachment; the clear course of action is to one day step into the realms of self-practice. Without it you simply lack an indispensable ingridient to getting the full taste of everything Yoga has to offer.
On a more personal note, even though it always made sense to me to balance between led classes and self-practice, it certainly is not an easy road, nor do I think it should be. Yoga was not made to make us feel comfortable. But, if we strive for clarity, then led classes and self-practice fit together seamlessly. We learn from one, to be able to implement and gain experiential knoweldge in the other.
Which brings me to the second part of this topic - traveling to Mysore to practice Yoga without a teacher. Although it wasn't the initial plan of course, hopefully after reading the above, you can better understand why I decide to go for it after all, and why it was the best possible alternative I could have hoped for.
About 7 days before getting on a flight to Mysore, I was (just like everyone else) informed that we were going to be doing self-practice. No assistants, no teachers, just us and our mats in the shala. I didn't have much time to process, but I certainly had enough time to give up and stay home. At no point in time was I hessitant to practice on my own; I have the motivation, I have the discipline and I practice on my own anyway. The only thing holding me back was the idea of traveling and spending a lot of money, to pretty much do the same thing I do at home. I have to admit my thought process was nerve-racking but in the end, it all came down to one simple thing: the alternative was to stay at home... I was going!
Once we did the first practice, it was clear as day that this was not at all what I usually do at home. I mean, it was and it wasn't. It was the same sequence, my same Yoga mat, and the same me, but it was an entirely different exeperience. I have already written a reflection on what it is like to practice in an energy that took decades to manifest, so I will use this opportunity to only add on to that. I didn't know what I didn't know until I knew it... and the only way to keep unraveling the unknown, is to keep going after it. The accumulated practice over the past month made a subtle, soft, paramount shift within me, which I know was shared only with those who were open to it too.
One last question I'd like to address while we're on this topic: Why didn't I decide to practice with any of the other teachers here in Mysore? To be frank it crossed my mind , but only for a brief moment... and then I heard a very direct, "No". I wasn't up for it. I am (very) sceptical by nature, so naturally, I'm vigilant in choosing who I practice with. I have taken the time to find my teacher and I've invested energy into our relationship. There is little to no room or desire in me for practicing with others. I believe in a reciprocal student-teacher relationship, that is symbiotic if both sides invest into it. Because of the trust I share with my teacher, I was open to practicing with her teacher, but otherwise, I see absolutely no value from teacher-hopping and 'collecting' workshops, classes or for that matter, adjustments.
To finish off my longest blog post so far, self-practice is something any good teacher will ultimately encourage with time. Our teachers are here to teach us the methods passed down to them by their teachers. In the long run, they can only go so far as to show you the way, but they cannot make the journey for you. In case you are still sceptical on the whole concept, give self-practice a go and explore the ifs, butts and maybes that are holding you back from growing.
Until next time..
"I am but a finger pointing to the moon. Don't look at me; look at the moon." ~ Bodhidharma
Reading: Scattered Minds by Gabor Maté
Listening to: ♪ Rotation - Herb Alpert
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